THESAURUS
by mountainhunt44
Summary: What happens when a second of Edward being bored turns into a infinite amount of fun for everybody, and to think its just on word that caused it all to happen in the first place.RATED T cause i am a little parinoid
1. Chapter 1

OKAY SO I GOT BORED AND WAS THINKING OF SOMETHING TO DO WHEN I WAS LIKE, WHAT WOULD ALL OUR FAVORITE CHARACTERS SAY TO RANDOM WORDS THAT THEY FIND IN THE THESARUS(and for those of you who don't know what that is, well look it up cause I don't have a good way of explaining it)  
YOU CAN READ OR DON'T ITS UP TO YOU THIS IS JUST A WAY TO KEEP ME SANE UNTIL I ACTULLY HAVE SOMETHING BETTER TO DO WITH MY LIFE……AND I NEVER GET TO USE MY SENSE OF HUMOR ANYMORE SO THIS IS ALSO A WAY OF KEEPING IT UP TO PAR…HOPEFULLY.  
**JUST SO YOU KNOW EACH OF THE GANG MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE THE SAME WORDS AS DEFINITIONS BECAUSE THERE IS SO MANY FOR EACH WORD, AND SOME JUST FIT BETTER WITH DIFFERENT CHARACTERS**

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, well lets see whats next, ah what a great word, dead, something that I will never have to worry about, but lets see what it say here,  
Dead:  
**Asleep**, nope not got a good nights rest in nearly a century, not found quite the right mattress for my back  
**Bereft of life**, no I think that I am the one that's doing the taking of life  
**Bloodless**, nope not that either, all filled up on mountain lion's from this mornings hunt.  
**Bought the farm,** well that one is just stupid, when you die, you don't buy anything other than a pine box.  
**Breathless**, nope can breath just don't have to.  
**Buried**, yeah up to mu fangs in pure love for my Bella.  
**Cadaverous,** nope, and that's just a weird word,  
**Checked out**, only thing I have checked out recently is my fiancée.  
**Cold**, damn they got me there.  
**Cut off**, most definitely not.  
**Deceased**, technically yeah, but I still get around  
**Gone to meet maker**, well I can do that easy CARLISLE come check that one off as a complete  
**Gone to reward**, nope my reward I already got  
**Inanimate**, only when I have to be  
**Late**, never not with Alice around  
**Lifeless**, only before I met Bella,  
**Out of one's misery, **well to late for that one cause its all gonethanks to Bella  
**Resting in peace**, not with EMMETT around  
I think that if I was human right now my ribs would implode, damn some of those really got me thinking………..

"Edward why are you so amused right now" Jasper thought  
Nothing, just look up dead in the thesaurus and tell me that you won't be laughing and be just a slight bit amused to.

OK YOU CAN TELL ME NOW HOW MUCH THIS SUCKS, AND ALSO IF YOU LIKE CAN GIVE ME SOME WORDS THAT YOU MAY THINK ARE FUNNY AND I WILL GET TO THOSE LATER……BUT NOW ITS ON TO JASPER


	2. Chapter 2

**I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS OR THE WORD DEATH**

**OH I WAS IN A HURRY SO SRRY FOR ANY ERRORS THAT I MADE**

JPOV

Well if Edward was that amused with that, then it has to be good, cause the only time that I ever feel those kind of emotions comin from him is when Bella is around, and I know for a fact that she isn't today, she is shopping with Alice. Well let me see here, Dead, ah now that a word that touches my heart……my unbeating dead

Dead:  
**asleep**, not in a long time  
**bereft of life, **only animals in the last couple decades thankfully**  
bloodless**, no all filled up  
**bought the farm, not **quite a farm but I do have the ranch that my family used to own**  
breathless**, only when bella is around, shes smells to damn god  
**buried**, yeah up to my neck in designer clothes that are Alice's  
**checked out**, only the latest fashion…oh gosh im turning into my wife  
**done for**, nope the only time I thought that was when I was turned  
**erased**, if only it was that easy  
**gone to meet maker**, I never want to see her again, she was a total Bitch  
**late**, ha Alice would kill me if I even thought abouot being late for something  
**lifeless**, no I still got pep in my step, actually I think im a little quicker than I was when I was considered alive  
**mortified,** only by Emmett and Rosalie's fellings that are coming out of their room  
**no more**, yeah of those damn lustful feelings coming from Edward towards Bella, who isn't even here.  
Well those were quite amusing, I actually am laughin over those.  
"Jasper, What the hell man, I was right in the middle of something with my wife, and I start laughing at her, then she slaps me and tells me to get out of the room." Emmett yelled  
Oh I was just reading something funny, sorry for projecting, but it is quite amusing, you should read it to, here take the thesaurus and look up dead and tell me what you think,Edward was even laughing at it.  
"Edward, emo boy, oh m y life is nothing when Bella is not around, was actually laughing at something other then the human……WOW" Emmett responded  
I know well go read it and then you tell me, I think that you will get a kick out of it, trust me

CAN SOMEONE GIVE ME A REVIEW PLEASE CAUSE IF I DONT GET AT LEAST ONE THEN IM DOENE AND I HAVENT EVEN MADE IT TO THE FUNNY CHAPTER YET


	3. Chapter 3

**OK I WAS IN A HUGE HURRY AND I AM SORRY FOR ALL THE MISTAKES BUT JUST LOOK OVER THEM AND HOPE THAT YOU ENJOY **

**HIS IS A LITTLE LONGER CAUSE OF ALL HIS THOUGHTS ARE SO DUMB THAT EDWARD HAS TO INTERVENE WITH THEM, BUT ITS EMMETT AND THERE ISNT MUCH HOPE……ENJOY**

EMPOV

Me read something, who does he think he is talking to, me Emmett read something…..but if it was something that made Edward and Jasper both laugh then it has to be good in some way, I just can get caught, cause I would never live that one down. Now to use my super stealth skills to find somewhere to go and do this where no one will suspect anything of me…hmmmmmmm, oh I know Carlisle's office I will never be found in there.  
Now lets see here Dead, ah yes there it is.  
Dead:  
asleep, well usually when your asleep aren't you alive, and breathing, Bella does that all the time and shes not dead  
bereft of life, what the hell does that word mean  
_**Jasper what does bereft mean,  
Emmett you idiot it means missing, example Emmett Cullen is bereft of a brain, it means that your missing it.**_  
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..ThankS Jaz. Now back to the other words.  
bloodless, I think that mean without blood, which when you die I thought your blood,unless you get sucked dry by a vampire  
bought the farm, why would someone want to by a farm when they are dead  
Breathless, well duh there dead  
buried, well where else would someone that's dead be, there not walking around in broad daylight,

_**EMMETT YOU DO KNOW THAT WE ARE TECHNICALLY DEAD RIGHT AND WERE WALKING AROUND IN BROAD CUT INTO MY TRAIN F THOUGHT.  
YEAH AND WE HAVE TO STAY INDOORS TO WHEN THE SUN IS SHINING DON'T WE, WE DON'T WALK AROUND IN BROAD DAYLIGHT  
EMMETT YOUO IMPOSSIBLE**_

cadaverous, well there's another word I don't know what means oh well  
checked out,does that mean when you die you have to pay a checking out fee like at a motel, what id you stay past check out time

_**EMMETT DID YOU REALLY JUST THINK THAT, WELL IF WE ARE EVER TO DIE WERE GOING TO BE PAYING A HUGE FEE WERE WAY PAST CHECK OUT TIME  
OH GOD DO YOU THINK THAT I SHOULD START SAVING NOW  
EMMETT WHY DO YOU THINK WE HAVE SO MUCH MONEY  
OH I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT, BUT STILL I NEED TO START SAVING, TIME TO GET A NEW PIGGY BANK  
EMMETT YOU ARE AND IDIOT  
THINK THAT NOW BUT WHEN YOU DIE AND DON'T HAVE THE MONEY WHO'S GOING TO BE THE IDIOT THEN  
EMMETT JUST HURRY UP AND GET DONE YOUR THOUGHTS ARE SO ANNOYING  
WELL IF YOU WOULD QUIT TALKING THIS WOULD TAKE A LOT LESS TIME THE EDDIE BOY**_

cold, well duh the only bury people in a thin layer of clothes, they don't even give people blankets  
done for, that's what I will be if I get caught by anyone other than Edward and Jaz reading  
erased, I thought the only think that got erased was pecil marks and those really pens that can erase  
gone to meet maker, ha ha ha that's funny I see mine everyday, hell im in his office right now  
offed, I thought that is what happened to you when you crossed the mafia or something  
out of one's misery, no I was in a lot more misery when I was supposed to be alive, now I get to have fun with and angel everyday  
EMMETT CAN YOU PLEASE SPARE ME THE MENTAL IMAGES PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF CARLISLE  
SRRY ED, CANT HELP IT YOU WILL KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE WHEN YOU FINALLY HAVE WHAT I HAVE WITH ROSALIE WITH BELLA  
YEAH BUT THERE WONT BE ANYONE I HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT SEEING IT EITHER  
YEAH YOU GOT A POINT ILL TRY SORRY  
pushing up daisies. Ha that ones retarded when you dead your dead you cant move, let alone push up flowers  
wasted, yeah that's whay I did reading all these crappy definitions of dead

Well that was a pure waste f my time the only one that was right was the cold one, the rest are all dumb, that's the only one that we can do and were dead.

Oh no Carlisle's home, and he is coming this way, hmmmmmm what to tell him  
"Emmett what on earth are you doing in my office"  
READING  
"What"  
READING,YOU KNOW YOU LOOK AT THE WORDS ON THE PAGE AND THEN PRONOUNCE THEM  
"Emmett I know what reading is but you reading is something that I never thought I would get to see in my entire existence"

WELL ITS ALL JASPER AND EDWARDS FAULT THEY SAID THAT I SHOULD LOOK UP THE WORD DEAD IN THE THESAURUS AND I DID BUT IT WAS JUST A WASTE OF TIME THE DEFINITIONS AND ALTERNATE MEANINGS OF THE WORD DEATH ARE SO NOT TRUE THE ONLY ONE THAT IS, IS COLD.  
_(carlisle stood there in awe at his youngest sons definition, he had never heard him explain something with such well there wasn't a word for it really)  
_"Emmett I am sure that they didn't go by our meaning im sure they went by the human definition, but I think that I will have to look into, so now go on get out of here cause I know you wouldn't want to get caught in here by Rosalie."  
NO SO BY AND HAVE FUN

**NEXT IS CARLISLE'S WONDER WHAT HE WILL THINK OF ALL THE SYNONYMS THAT CAN DESCRIBE DEATH……BUT THE ONLY WAY THAT YOU WILL FIND OUT IS IF I GET SOME REVIEWS TELLING ME IF ITS BAD OR GOOD…EITHER WAY YOUR GOING TO GET ANOTHER CHAPTER AS LONG AS THERE IS SOME SORT OF REVIEW **


	4. Chapter 4

**WELL HERE IS CARLISLE ATTEMPTING TO READ THE DEFINITIONS HOPE THAT YOU ENJOY**

What crazy children, well vampires younger than me I have. Really, getting their entertainment in with a thesaurus, although I must say it was rather nice to see Emmett actually reading something, which in all my years of living with him I have never seen him do. Now lets see what we have here, the thesaurus, ah yes, well I think my brain is still a little in shock from me knowing that Emmett was reading. Anyway lets see here death, ah such a strong word to a human but to us not that daunting, I mean we are technically dead, but I feel as lively as a spring chicken.

Lets see here, "end of life", yes that is what death is, in the physical terms, but not the spiritual term, technically its just the awakening of the sprirt to…

CARLISLE WILL YOU PLEASE JUST READ IT AND NOT GO INTO ONE OF THOSE RELIGIOUS RANTINGS AGAIN I MEAN ITS NOT LIKE WE HAVE A SOUL TO BEGIN WITH I spoke back to him knowing that he would easily hear me…..

Son we have had this discussion, and as you know Bella thinks that you do and the rest of us, so must we get into this, and must I call in the reinforcements..hence Bella

NO THAT WILL NOT BE NECESSARY, AND BELLA IS NOT HERE ANYWAY SHE GOT SUCKED INTO SHOPPING WITH THE EVIL LITTLE PIXIE SISTER OF MINE

_EDWARD DON'T TALK ABOUT MY WIFE LIKE THAT YOU KNOW SHE DOES IT BECAUSE SHE LOVES BELLA AND YOU ALWAYS HOg HER TO YOURESELF, A FEW HOURS AWAY FROM HER WILL NOT KILL YOU, I MEAN YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE ETERNITY WITH HER_

I KNOW THAT…EVEN THOUGH I STILL PROTEST IT…..BUT I MISS HER SO MUCH

_THEY WILL BE BACK SOON GOSH YOUR 109 YEARS OLD AND YOUR WHINING LIKE A 5 YEAR OLD THAT DIDN'T GET THE TOY HE WANTED_

SHUT IT JASPER

_THAT IS FINE WITH ME JUST BE SURE TO SHUT YOURS TO _

Ok boys both of you shut it, I want to see that makes this so entertaining to the both of you, so if you would please allow me to do so.

OK CARLISLE, WE BOTH SAID IN UNISON

Now lets see here, what are some of these wonderful synonyms they seem so intrigued with

**Afterlife**, so true, although it took me almost 200 years to find a companion, and then a few more to find my reason for living Esme

**Darkness**, ah well I do like being in the dark, about my chidrens "activities", but in darkness no..i like being in the sun, although when you sparkle like a princess's tiara its rather difficult

**Departure**, hahaha no I don't plan on a trip anytime soon, so I think not

**Ending**, nope I fell as though my life has just begun now that my family is nearly complete

**Eternal rest**, yeah more like eternal torture….EDWARD YOU TELL ANYONE I THOUGHT THAT I WILL PERSONALLY MAKE SURE TO TELL BELLA SOMETHING YOU NEVER WANT HER NOR ANYONE ELSE TO KNOW AND PLUS YOU KNOW THAT I WAS JUST KIDDING I WOULD HAVE IT NO OTHER WAY….OR I WILL CALL TANYA AND HAVE HER COME FOR A VISIT….I JUST SAID IT TO SEE IF YOU WERE STILL BEING INTRUSIVE…I heard him gasp so I went back to it…well just Emmett and Rosalie's "activities", then my mind reading son, and then a future seeing daughter who with her you never get to pick out what you wear, and then a emo for another son, well were a dysfunctional family.

**Euthanasia**, hmmmm yes this is something that I have helped with, Edward, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett, all I in human terms euthanized, but I was well worth it to have what I have now

Ok I see no reason why this was so funny, these are very strong words, I think I need to have a talk with my sons to see why they thought it was so funny to make fun of such a fragile subject. Emmett, Jasper, Edward will you please come in here I think that we need to have a talk about somethings.

I KNOW THAT IT HAS BEEN A WHILE SINCE I UPDATED BUT THIS IS TRULY THE FIRST TIME THAT I HAVE HAD TIME IN A LONG LONG TIME TO UPDATE, THE REASON IS THAT I AM A COLLEGE ATHLETE AND NOW THAT OUT SEASON IS OVER I WILL BE ABLE TO UPDATE MORE AND MORE

THE ONLY WAY THAT I WILL UPDATE IS IF I GET SOME REVIEWS, I KNOW THE STORY IS CRAPPY BUT STILL FUNNY SO A FEW REVIEWS AND EVEN IDEAS AND THEN YOU CAN HAVE THE NEXT CHAPTER

SORRY FOR ANY GRAMMAR ERRORS I WAS IN A HURRY


End file.
